Friday, September 9, 2011


I changed my mind. 

I am going to cry because it's over. 

This past week had to have been the hottest temperatures we've had all summer.  And where was I?  At work freezing because of extreme air conditioning.  There is an adjustment period whenever I return to work, whether it has been two months, two weeks, or two days. And I like to think it's just the girls who are adjusting to new routines...but it's me too.

I need to juggle new schedules, organize day care drop offs and pick ups, make preschool runs, meet work commitments...I need to keep the balls in the air.  And after completely letting go for the past two months, I need time, like the girls, to adjust physically (when's nap time, oh right, no scheduled naps at work) and emotionally...

Battling the ongoing debate in my mind about finding the perfect home-work balance can be exhausting. The reality of dropping my girls off in the morning, bright eyed and ready to conquer the day... basically dropping them off at their best and picking them up after a day of constant turn taking, sharing, and navigating early friendships... basically at their worst, definitely requires an adjustment period.

We celebrated back to school with a brand new box of 64... first casualty - orchid.
 If I didn't have such a love affair with my work, the scale that measures the home-work balance would easily be in favour of the home side.  Work can seduce a woman away from her family because of the way he makes her feel... confident, assured, important, in-touch, inspired, creative...independent.

And I think it often sounds like our life is a magic carpet ride where we slide down rainbows and ride unicorns.  When I write about all the bests, and the love, love, LOVES, and the joy of making memories...these are real emotions and experiences.  But like most people our lives drive more like roller coasters, with its ups and downs and the occasional loop, than the smooth sailing of magic carpet rides.  And the reality is that when I sit down to decide which small sliver of our week that I want to write about I automatically zone in on the positive.  There are plenty of places to read and hear and watch about the annoyances of life or complaints about having to work.  And it's not that I don't have complaints or annoyances, bad days and struggles,  I just choose to leave them out because when I look back on my life...what is it that I truly want to remember.

The smiles.
The joy.
The successes.
The inbetween days.
The tiny moments.
And the big ones.

Dear Dr. Seuss... I will cry because it is over, but I will also smile because it happened.

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